Am I an Irresponsible Parent If My Child Gets Hurt?
I stumbled upon a video on Facebook wherein a mother (or she could be the nanny but everyone assumed she was the mother) puts her child on the changing diaper table. Something caught her attention and so she turned her back for a few seconds. The child then rolled over and fell off the table. The older brother's spider sense tingled and he caught the baby! The mother hugged them both, thankful that the baby was unharmed and proud of her older son who acted as a hero.
Now, instead of the netizens celebrating how heroic the elder child is and actually be thankful that the baby is fine, they were busy bashing and criticizing how irresponsible the mother is. She should have never left the baby on the table and nothing should have took her attention away from the baby.
In the mother's defense, there were also a few people who said things like this could happen anytime and they're sure that the mother has learned her lesson so there's no need for people to be too hard on her.
So the question is: Would it make you an irresponsible parent if your child gets hurt?
I asked myself the same question a few months back. Little Akisa was playing around and basically showing off her dress to her uncles and auntie. I specifically told her not to get near the electric fan while I was busy preparing our stuff (we were going out that day). While I was not looking at her, she just kept on running in and out of the room. Suddenly, I just heard her screamed. She accidentally had her fingers scratched with the fan blades. Fortunately enough, the blades were made of plastic so it didn't (God forbid!) cut her finger, but it still hurts.
When my friends knew about it, they immediately said I was too irresponsible. I know they were joking but it still hit me. Was I really an irresponsible parent because my daughter got a scratch? Well, I know it wasn't just a scratch, and I can't reason out "I was busy." or "I already told her not to go near it." It just wouldn't sound right.
Back when Akee just learned to walk, she didn't want me to hold her. She'd keep on pulling her hand so I'd let her go. So I allowed her to walk on her own while I was walking beside her.
She lost balance.
I wasn't fast enough.
She bumped her head.
She's got a huge bukol on her forehead and I blamed myself for letting go of her little hands.
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| Here's a photo of little Akisa with that bump on her forehead. |
To give you a background of what kind of person she is, she loves good laughs and is super crazy! She'd do the silliest of things and she's loud and frank and bold and crazy! Oh, did I mention she is crazy? (Haha, love you, dae XD)
I expected her to give me a long sermon or the craziest of advice but then, I guess she's grown mature enough that she actually gave a decent answer.
Am I an irresponsible parent if my child gets hurt?
She said that parents aren't perfect. There will always be a time when our little ones would get hurt. They will get scratches and wounds. They'll fall on their knees. They'd get bumps on their heads. But that's one way for them to learn.
They got hurt because they played with the electric fan? Then next time, they'll be sure not to play with it anymore.
They fell because they lost balance? Then they'll learn to get back up and walk again more carefully this time.
Things like wounds and bumps on the head aren't unavoidable especially if your child is too energetic and curious. The important thing is to be with them and make sure they'll be okay if they got hurt.
Everyone is perfect and much better parents until they actually have a child on their own.
So instead of dwelling on what everyone says about me as a parent, I should be more focused on what I should do as a parent for my daughter. It's how my little Akisa looks at me that matters, anyway.
When I get home from work, Akee keeps on blabbering stuff like she's telling me how her day has been.
She kisses me every time I pout my lips. She hugs me when I tell her I want some love.
So, I guess my little girl didn't hold any grudges or did not at least blame me for the huge bump on her forehead or the scratches on her fingers.
Am I a responsible parent?
I'll let my little Akisa decide on that. 😊
12 comments
We probably won't believe the mother as irresponsible. Accidents can happen.
ReplyDeleteYes. :) It's just sad that a lot of people (especially on social media) will judge another person's parenting right away if they see that the child had an accident. Even a video of a crying child which was supposed to be cute is often refered to as child abuse. Like hello?
DeleteI don't have any kids yet so I can't totally relate to this, but I really agree with you on this. :) I remember when my Mama told me the same thing when she got blamed when I got into an accident as a child even though she did her best to keep an eye on me. Accidents always happen. People just wants someone to blame.
ReplyDeleteI've got so many accidents before, too! I fell off the stairs riding my bike, I fell off the hammock because I literally jumped out while it was swinging, and had an accident with a wheelbarrow! But I never blamed my mom or anyone for any of them. :) I know she wasn't negligent, I was just too active hahaha!
DeleteI have a (nearly) 4yo daughter myself and honestly there is a very fine line between being an irresponsible parent and allowing your child to learn from their mistakes.
ReplyDeleteA few months ago, my daughter got sick and we tried to go the "natural way" and put off having her checked up by the doctor; she ended up confined for three days in the hospital for pneumonia. But we believe it's also important to let them discover the pros and cons of their decisions (let them learn if they can get hurt/bruised/cut because of what they are about to do, as long as it doesn't kill them). It not only helps with their decision skills but you also teach your kids to become confident people who do not have to constantly rely upon you to tell them if what they're about to do is wrong or right. Failures and mistakes are a part of life, after all.
No matter what you do, someone will criticize you anyway but you are the parent and you know what is best for your kid better than anyone. Sigh, so hard to be a parent with so many nosey people (especially on social media) nowadays.
And I guess accidents also teach the parents. Just recently, my toddler choked on what I thought was a harmless Mentos candy. That experience made me realize how candies can be so evil. I learned the hard way.
DeleteAnd yes, I agree. You're never a good parent for nosey people. xD So yea, better ignore them. Haha.
Even the best of parents can't protect their kids from everything whether they're toddlers or grown adults. There are just things like accidents that people can't prevent. I hope netizens stop the bashing. The world doesn't need it.
ReplyDeleteAccidents can happen anytime. i don't even think of it as irresponsible. irresponsible parents are those who sell their babies, or allow their kids to sleep on the streets even if they have a house. or letting their kids go elsewhere. but on this case, this is not irresponsible parenting. But i guess we can prevent accidents from happening again :)
ReplyDeleteIt happens to the best of us. Kids are bound to get scraped and bruised. We can only do our best to prevent it but if not, we kiss the booboos away but yes, it does make us question our parenting skills sometimes. However, I don't believe it makes us irresponsible. :) Great read! :)
ReplyDeleteI like how you question yourself many times, asking good questions along the way :) I agree, the little bruises and pains are preparatory for the larger struggles children face in the future. Important lang we are present to the little ones when they happen
ReplyDeleteI do not think so. i do not think, anyone grew up without falling or getting minor injuries. Falling is part of life and if we got too sheltered, we might grow up as dependent adults who cannot deal with a little failure.
ReplyDeleteWhile I believe that stumbles are normal, I still think that parents or carer should lose their attention so easily. We live in an age of multiple distractions. Just be mindful. ;)
Geeez! Some people just overreact. I also fell from the bed as a child and I ended up fine as an adult. Hahaha! To answer your question, it depends on the situation. Sometimes it is the fault of the parent and sometimes it's the child's fault. :-)
ReplyDelete