What’s so bad about other people looking up to you?
What’s so bad about them only looking at your good sides?
And what’s so bad about them thinking YOU ARE PERFECT?

It is when they see you’ve made a mistake, they think you are a failure.
When they see even a spot of black on you, they think you are bad.
When they see you doing something they never expected you to do, they get disappointed and look down on you.
And then they would say, “Sheesh! He/she is just like anybody else. And I thought he/she is perfect.”

Nobody is Perfect.

I am not perfect. I have my flaws. I can never meet everyone’s expectations.

.

.

.

I haven’t flunked on any of my subjects (so far), thank God. But I don’t do any “major” study or follow any study schedule at all. Let me call it “talent”, (lol). Just kidding! It’s more on “luck” and “memory”. But when they see me not studying or doing any kind of review, they’d probably think I am no longer interested in getting high grades and has become a mediocre. They'd probably think I am slacking off. Well, MAYBE I am a mediocre, getting all contented with a passing grade. But it still feels better getting a higher grade than just a passing one. I do my best, though, to be able to get a much better grade - something I could be proud of. Well, can’t say I really am a mediocre, after all.

When there are projects or assignments to be done and they find me online on my facebook account, they would then think “She’s not doing her assignment.”
Most of the people now does that, right? I mean, logging on their accounts even when they actually are busy on school works. That’s what we call, “COMMERCIAL”. It may take long to finish what needs to be done but at least I don’t get to sleep while doing my work.

I don’t spend my weeknights studying, mei gawd! (O_O)
I only study when I feel like it.
And don’t get any wrong ideas like I’ve taken my education for granted but it’s just how I’ve been. This is how I do things.

Some people probably think of me being “wholesome”. Though I am engrossed with some green jokes (especially the ‘scripted’ ones, those that can be mostly found on SMS), I actually find some funny (the ‘unscripted’ ones, those that pops out in the middle of a conversation). There are times I could even unconsciously crack up one!
I like watching movies and shows with moral. (:
But that doesn’t mean that those are the only shows I watch. In fact, I like reading ecchi manga and I sometimes watch ecchi anime’s, too. But I do avoid porno’s.
Watching such shows doesn’t make me a bad girl, right? It just disappoints SOME people because they expected me to be MORE WHOLESOME. (-.-")

I don’t smoke. I don’t use drugs. But I do drink.. occasionally. And when SOME people finds out, they’d think I’ve got bad companions because they engaged me into something they think is BAD. But I do wonder that if it’s other people they see drinking, it’s ok. How come with me it’s not?

“They” probably think I’m already on bed at 8-9pm. LOL! So early, eh?
Facebook gets “noisy” at nine! Bedtime could wait. XD
And speaking about time, I always lack TIME MANAGEMENT. (-.-")

SOME people may think I am already home at 7 or 8 in the evening.
But I spend the night outside in some occasions, and go home at dawn.
Most teens, I think, experienced that, right?
But that doesn’t make one BAD, unless if the night is spent doing some “bad” things.

I’ve got some expressions on my face that you might misunderstood. If you see me smiling, that doesn’t always mean I am happy. When you see me pouting, YOU JUST CAN’T DECIDE WHAT I AM POUTING FOR.

There are still a lot of things people don’t know about me. I am not the “little-miss-almost-perfect” SOME people think of me to be.

I don’t want people to look up on me because only a slight mistake would change their whole perception of me.
I don’t want them to expect much because they’ll only get disappointed.
I don’t want them to only see what they like in me because when they are able to spot something they don’t want, they’ll dislike me.
I don’t want them to think I’ll do whatever they want me to do because THIS IS MY LIFE AND I WILL RUN THIS THE WAY I WANT TO.
I don’t want anyone to think I am perfect, or even almost perfect, because I AM NOT!

. . .

Ain’t Perfect, got it?

I KILLED HER

I killed her because I do love her. These hands, these hands that give life to many, killed her because of my love to her.

Ladies and Gentlemen of this honorable court, please listen to me, listen to my story before you give my verdict. I am Dr. Reyes, a cancer specialist. I was born in a slum district of Batalon. My father oh! I don't know him for I am a child of faith. My mother brought me up in such determination and my ambition was to escape the filthy and horrible place of Batalon. I was nourished with hope that someday I might live a life different from her. My mother had a burning faith that she turned the nights into days. All her efforts were not in vain for I pushed through with flying colors. My mother who had given her whole life to me had tears in her eyes as she pinned the gold medal on my proud breast.

Later on, I was sent as a scholar of the Philippines to the United States of America. I embraced my mother… tightly as I've reached the plane….."Mother, mother,.." I whispered. You will always be my best mother in the world.

After four years, I came back with laurels. I became a cancer specialist. I gave my mother everything but I was too late. I who had used to ease the pain of many, came too late to the life of my dying mother. I gave the best treatment but the grasp of death was so tight around her. My God, what is the use of ten years of study if I couldn't even use it at my mother's pain.

Then one night, I heard a strange cry. I run to her room. "Do you love me, child?"… she asked, as I embrace her. " Yes, mother….. If only I could get all your pain and agonies…"

" Then….. if you love me, end my sufferings, kill me… Let me die."

"But, mother, I promise to give life and not to end it."

God…. She did not deserve the unhappiness. She deserves to be happy.

I run to my room and came back with a syringe.

"Mother, forgive me…. God, please understand me…."

"Mother, mother, you must not die….. Don't leave, I love you. It was only a distilled water…..Mother…… Mother……. MOTHER……"


Now, Ladies and Gentlemen, give me your verdict. Yes, it was only distilled water which ended the sufferings of my mother.

Judge me….. Punish me………

GO, punish me………….. Thy will be done!!!

HORAAY~!

So yeah! I've been working on some possible updates I could do with my blog. And as you could see, tralala~ I've got a Meebo bar just right over the browser's status bar! ^^

I've added a few widgets, too. Just like the Disclosure Policy, the Plurk widget and the widget from Formspring.

I've also added some feeds. And I have already been verified as the author of this blog at NetworkedBlogs on Facebook.

And maybe the most obvious update this blog has(seeing this post), are the emoticons.

Neat, isn't it?

I've always loved onion tou emoticons. They're so cute.

But the problem is, I am already used with writing blogs using Windows Live Writer. The emoticons are just installed at the browser (using scripts).
I hope I could somehow install these emoticons at Windows Live Writer.

Anyways, there.

Those are some updates of the blog.

December 31, 2009, it rained the whole day. There were no carolers, or children playing outside. (well, we do know that even if it’s not Christmas, we still have people caroling time to time) It seemed to be a gloomy day.

I spent the day inside the house (well, just like the usual days). The mood was just not right for celebrating New Year’s Day. Only hours more left and it’s bye`bye 2009, hello 2010, but it still hasn’t stopped raining. I was in doubt that I could even see fireworks during 12am. And it was also kind of sad since I was really hoping to see the moon this time – since in my previous post, I mentioned there that there is going to be a blue moon on new year’s eve.

But then, even with the thought that I may not see fireworks this year, I still went up to our rooftop. And I was glad I did.

The sky was full of fireworks.

The mood was so different. It’s as if I am one with the people celebrating the coming of the new year. I can feel their joy. The rain was not a hindrance for these people to celebrate new year’s day. Then my sister, who I always called “weird”, added with such optimistic and innocent look, “God is celebrating with us! He sent the rain so it would add more ‘noise’!” I laughed a little at the moment there and said “Yes, you’re right. He is always with us.”

I looked again. The view at the rooftop is really very different from where I used to watch the fireworks before. Before, I could only see those that we’re from our own neighborhood. It was merrier, though. This time, it may feel a little boring and lonely but I could see the fireworks from those that are even really far away.

I could see that even during the sad times and all the problems, people still has time to celebrate and be happy. It’s a time of the year when everyone would forget about their worries for a while and just enjoy the company of the people around them.

One proof of this is that even when it rained hard, this doesn’t stop them from displaying those fireworks.

Then a thought came, I wish every day is new year’s day. So that everyday, people would find time to enjoy life, that they may sleep not having to worry about any problems at all, that they would have to think of what they need to change and improve for the coming days, that they would tell everyone how much they are thankful for having the people around them, that they would forgive faults in the past, that they would gladly share what they have, that they would say to one another “Next year na sad ha?”

If you think of it, December 31 is just like any other day but people are so worked up on the thought that it signifies a new beginning.

Well, IMO, everyday should be a new beginning. (:

Let those resolutions everyone has, last till December 31, 2010. :D

January 1, 2010. The rain stopped. It’s another new day.

Just a few hours more and it’s going to be 2010.

But before letting this year leave and welcoming the coming of the new year, let me write some important points or highlights in my life during the Year of the Ox, 2009.

It has been a very blessed year. I truly am very grateful for everyone who has become a part of my life this year, for those who stayed, for those who showed love and friendship, for those who continually gave me support, for those who never turned their backs on me, and for those who also welcomed as part of their lives.

For all the experiences, the joys, the sufferings, the ups and downs, the sorrows, the bonds, the advices, the criticisms, the compliments.. I am thankful for them all. (:
These helped me become who I am today.

Here are some of those “highlights” in my life I am talking about.

~ JANUARY ~

My spiritual life bloomed.
I got pretty close with the Lord. (:

~ FEBRUARY ~

I experienced some kind of dilemma.
Let’s just say it’s something about friendship and love :p

~ MARCH ~

Well, this month, we were actually pressured with so many school works.
Projects to be passed, deadlines to meet, and we’ve got oral defenses.
But even with such busy schedule, we still have time with our barkada. (:
I passed all these obstacles, thank God.
And yes. I have become closer with the Lord. (:

~ APRIL ~

I felt the boredom. >.<
And I had a hard time deciding about taking summer classes or not.
Well, to fight off boredom, I visited those online communities I once was active at.
And I also decided to join new ones.
Still, maybe the only thing that made me grow as a person this time of the year is that my faith actually blossomed even more.
I can’t help but write things about God, watch videos and listen to Godly songs.
It was really a very refreshing feeling. (:

~ MAY ~

I made new friends.
Well, we’ve known each other like a few months ago but we only consider ourselves acquaintances back then.
This time we consider each other as tight buddies.
They were very welcome in the family and all.
Also this time of the year, I was going all emo`ish again.
It was something that I just don’t want to happen.
Or something like that.

~ JUNE ~

It’s classes once again :D
I missed my pretx~
Everything was all fun again! ^^
But there’s this one person who’s acting weird.
He seems to be ignoring and avoiding me. @__@

~ JULY ~

So the ignoring-and-avoiding issue was settled.
It was back to normal again. xD
Then here’s this “I-have-a-crush” issue again in my life.
Well, can’t say that was a crush, though.
But I do admire that person for his humility.
And then here’s this “He-has-a-crush-on-me” issue, too! XD
Though he did confessed but .. oh well.
And here’s another OUCHIE thing.
My cell phone got stolen. TT__TT

~ AUGUST ~

I bought a new phone.
The “I-have-a-crush” thing slowly faded.
I’ve wasted 3 hours of my life –.-
And nearing the end of the month, I get to notice another someone. (:

~ SEPTEMBER ~

School Intramurals.
I’ve got this very weird feeling.
It’s as if I am always looking for this someone yet I don’t know why.
And when I finally saw that person, my day suddenly feels complete.
Or something like that. >.<
It’s just so weird. 8-}

~ OCTOBER ~

We celebrated my younger sister’s birthday :3
And the weird feeling is still there.
This time, I feel like, somehow, we’re getting to know each other little by little.
And to add, I got disappointed with a friend.
There is a rumor about my circle of friends and it was just so amf.

~ NOVEMBER ~

So owkei.
It’s getting weirder and weirder.
But then it cleared out a little, too.
This time, I welcomed something new in my life.

~ DECEMBER ~

There have been some issues again.
And I guess it’s up to my frankness to clear those out.
There is a BLUE MOON this month, too :D
Oh, how I love the moon!
I celebrated my birthday.
We celebrated Christmas.
We celebrated his birthday. :p
And now, we would celebrate New Year’s Eve.

These are the events of my life on this year 2009.
And I hope that I have learned enough to face the upcoming days of the new year. (:

*~ HAPPY NEW YEAR! ~*

I have this unexplainable love for the moon. Whenever the moon’s up (especially during full moons), I can’t help but stare at it. When it just rose up and appear on the horizon, it has this reddish color. The first time I saw the moon in that color, I was frightened. It’s as if that part there was burning. I thought the trees there were on flames. But no. It was only the moon. A few minutes later as it continues to rise up, its color becomes orange and then yellow. Most of the times, the moon is seen to be yellowish. But when the moon is high up to the sky, it turns white.
Beautiful. (:

But does the moon really turn blue?

Well, there is really a thing such as BLUE MOON, but that doesn’t mean that the moon actually turned blue.

BLUE MOON is the term used to refer to the second full moon of the month, since usually a month only has one full moon.

That aside, this year, we are going to have a blue moon on New Year’s Eve. (yay!)
There already was a full moon last December 2 and there’s going to be a second full moon on December 31. ♥

Ohh! I would just like to share this game I am presently addicted at. xD

Well, maybe you all already knew of this game before I did, but I just want to post it here anyways.

The first time I saw this was at school. Everyone seemed to be busy, bringing their laptops with them at school. Then there’s this group of people surrounding as if they are watching some kind of movie or what. To my surprise it’s this game called Plants vs Zombies.
I was like “Watdaf is with that game?!”

But not too long and I got addicted to it as well. :D

For a trailer, here ya go!

Official site here –> http://www.popcap.com/games/pvz